Thursday, November 25, 2010, 9:56 PM
Tuesday; 23/11/2010
We could be denoted as the most loveliest couple on earth with silly things never fail to entertain us. We could also be the very villain couple one could have ever seen. Above all, the love within still remain, never vanished. That, i truly believe.It was your birthday when i hurt you in front of so many people. It was your birthday when i brought tears to your eyes. It was your birthday when i carved that gloomy look on your face. But you held it so good. Your temper, you controlled them very well. Congratulation, dearest boy.
It was 9am when we're supposed to be in the lecture theater. Instead, we quarreled all the way from the bus to the same old field of greenery which we used to do before. That bus stop. It was an awesome talk for that whole of 3 hours. Everything, just everything we kept inside were revealed. Those misunderstandings. Those truths. Those silent war inside our heads. Just everything. And i have to say this, you improved a lot. Your level of patience has increased. You controlled your temper real good that i couldn't stop thanking Allah upon seeing that change of yours. Bit by bit, i believe you can. Insya'Allah. Have faith in yourselves. I always have.
HP was in half an hour time hence, definitely we didn't give it a miss, though i would be watching it again next week. As always, taking pictures in the cinema is like a norm. Well, doing crimes is fun, you know. In which that has made US till this far. Hees. When you held me so tight in your arms.. When you caressed my hair.. When you pulled me close to you.. I could feel how fast your heart beats. I could feel the breaking inside of you that apparently you weren't anticipating the midnight. Just so you know, i wish God would have postponed that midnight to another so that we could have spent more hours together.Due to the long duration, we forgo both modules, Learning to learn and National Education. Okay, once in a blue moon. Forgivable shall then it be, hee.
Lunch. Lunch. Lunch. Such a heavy one. Really. I couldn't finish both the fillets, even though i can be that big eater. That goes the same for the birthday boy. Ended up, we wrapped those left over LONG chicken snacks with tissues and brought it along to school. The next class was in 10 minutes time. Cabbed to NYP and forced in those snacks into our tummy. Cute as it sound, i felt bloated. I felt heavy. In short, i felt uber fat. Lol.Received a miss call and some messages from him, even though he was few sittings away. Having to realize that it was left with 7 hours more really shattered me deep down. I was really down that i couldn't concentrate during that lab session. Luckily i understood what was going on. That modulation thingy etc. Only that, my mind wasn't there.
Looking at him, with his gloomy look, especially from his depressed eyes, i couldn't help but to look away and put a distance between us. I hated that sadness atmosphere. I don't like seeing him breaking that way. You, it's not that i wanna run away but i was just to sad, to sad to even look at you, to greet and acknowledge your watching. I'm sorry.
The end of class. Another 2 hours of talking session. It was definitely a moment. A moment to be cherished. A moment to be remembered. A moment to always callback each time when we feel the missing presence for each other later in the future.All this time i thought you didnt care. All this time i thought you have given up. Little did i know that you held everything inside and forcefully swallowed them. I like it when you said you're better than him. I like it when you said you could love and take good care of me better. I like it when you denoted that if compared to him, you're the perfect one for me. I like it, i like it very much.
You asked me what's gonna happen when midnight comes. You wanted to know every single detail. And i just kept quiet. Truth is, i dont want to know. Truth is, i want everything to happen unexpectedly. I dont wish to plan things out. Definitely not for this. Let the time decides. You were afraid that i wouldnt want to talk. You feared i would ignore your night calls. You were scared that i would dismiss your messages. Basically you feared i would treat you the same like the others. Just so you know dear boy, even if i do, it'd be a hard time for me.
You stood up and walked to the open space. I watched you from that distance, not knowing what you're gonna do. At that point, all i wished was for you to calm your mind. Surprised when you opened your arms widely. Without hesitant, i ran to you and... it was really a breeze having to be in your embrace. You told me to listen to every of your words, without me saying anything. You hugged me tight and denoted your love, telling me that forever the love will remain and no others could be my replacement. Later on, when i saw that genuine tears running down through your cheek, i went speechless, that i didn't know what to do. We were then immersed in our own world, accompanied by our tears. That was the moment to be cherished, to be remembered, to be treasured....
It was 8pm when you had to leave for soccer. Never thought that you would lose your mood for the game and turned up 2 hours late for it, just because of me. That was really unbelievable, dear love. I then realized i have only 1 and a half hour left to start the preparation.
The plan was to have candle light dinner with birthday wishes lighted up at the side. So i rushed through my way to Tampines and by then it was already 9pm. Definitely time wasn't enough. So last minute back up plan was used. And that was to have JCO doughnuts instead. After which, i dashed my way to IKEA to buy the candles. Got myself tripped while on the way to the entrance. Singaporeans reacted as though they have never seen people falling down before, looking very surprised with their mouth a little opened. LOL! Ignored them and ran to the candle section and grabbed the desired thing. Cabbed to school and reached there around 950pm.
Went to the open space. Arranged the candles as planned. Since time was insufficient, only his name could be set up. Encountered problems with the lighter, then the candle string which really made me rushed like mad. Alhamdulillah, thank God, finally at around 1020pm, everything was done. I should have bought 2 long candles. It was supposed to be placed on top of his doughnut. But since i have used it to light up the other candles (which could only survived for few minutes, gr), it could no longer be used. The reason why i had troubles lighting up the name due to the short survival of the longer one. haha.
Called Jovin up since the birthday boy was with him. Directed him to the place. While waiting for them, the security was on her check. So i quickly ran to her and asked for the permission. After some pleading made, it was settled. Thanks! Really owe her one! (:
My heart was beating really fast. My palm was sweating. My legs were shivering. I was nervous to see his reaction. I was nervous throughout the waiting. And when he came, standing right beside his lighted name, i slowly walked towards and.... it was really a joy and relief when he pulled me close to him and gave me a peck on my cheek. Especially seeing his smiles glittered on his face, all the hard works and the injuries i encountered vanished straight away. It really worth everything. His genuine smile was what i wanted to achieve, to see. Yes, all i wanted was those smiles to be alive on his birthday.
A video was taken with him blowing off his lighted name. Though visually the light has vanished, but the the name will always be lighted up in every corner of my heart. Because the footing he has marked beautifully inside is irreplaceable and definitely couldn't be removed. Permanently there despite anything. Will post the Video once it has been uploaded (:Cabbed home and that was the end of the day (:
Wednesday; 24/11/1010
Was supposed to go Tekong. Sadly, i forgot that i had a test on that day. However, Alhamdulillah i passed, despite that 2 hours of study. hehe! Next coming up. And i wanna obtain it by early-mid next year. Yes, InsyaAllah. I want a Gilera, by 21. However, in order to have that, class 3 license i should possess first. An order from beloved Ayah (:
The first person who contacted me right after my test was none other than Hairi. It was sweet of him, really (: Thought of meeting Hasif but in the end, i wasn't in the mood so gave him a message about it. Reached home, both Cik Sam and Ayu were there. Played with Ayu online games and we gossiped alot. That kid is really cute. Such a bright kid she is.
Me: Ayu kat rumah, tengah main game. Kita kidnap ayu boleh?
Hairi: You kidnap ayu. I kidnap you. Baru fair. Hehe!
Hahaha. Showed Ayah the message. And we both laughed. Btw, it was really cute how that day after school, met Hairi up at Bedok Inter before headed to his house to have tea and chit chats with his parents, after which he sent me home and we had dinner at my house. Ibu was on the phone with his mum. Ayah then said, after that, i'll send Hairi home and vice versa... "bila nak game pon tak tau" Lol!
That night, Wednesday, i was really confused. Especially when the boy explained things to me, when he told me everything that had happened. All i thought was, he shouldn't have reported it. What's more when the special ties has already cut off. He is free to do whatever he wants. those numerous missed calls. My apologies for not answering them. The thing is, i just want you to know, I'm freeing you, my boy.
Thanks Hairi for the talk that night when i needed someone to keep me company. Really appreciate it.
''Tell me how am I gona leave when ure my life? Discarding you means discarding my life" -Him
Thursday; 25/11/2010More confused when the special thing dosen't seem to break off. Arguments again when he got to know about the message i sent. I hope you'd understand that all i want to see is your happiness. For goodness sake, i know what i'm doing. Sometimes it's best to have someone who love you than you loving someone who you couldn't give you the happiness. You know i cant, though you said that i'm the source. I hate seeing you shattered, what's more after seeing the messages between me and him. The phone calls between me and him. The outings between me and him.
You hugged me tight, with that genuinely solid peck and those words you affirmed me about your love really touched my heart. I wish everything would be back as beautiful as how it used to. Like you, i miss those days too. However, everything is gradually changing now, my dear. You contacted me after your soccer. We laughed, saying out our misses and all. Seriously i don't know till when can this lasts. Each time i advise you to go with another, you'd turn berserk. Tell me how are you gonna move on? With you seeing me with another shattered me deep down, if you don't know!
Jovin:
If you keep telling me to go to other girls whom i dont have feelings for, i'll be very angry too. This time, it's your fault. It's really your fault.
